Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
