My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
