Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
