i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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