I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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