i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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