I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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