Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
