john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
