I wanna bring you to show and tell
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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