He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
