apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
