I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
