one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
