I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
