Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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