Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
