Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
