Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
