remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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