I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
