his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
