Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
