Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
