Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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