a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I believe in your delicious
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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