I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
