Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
