i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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