I bet he comes in French.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
don't judge my taste in strippers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
