She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
