I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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