This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
