I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
