All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
