I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
