i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
