you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You ruined the universe
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
