she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
