just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
