The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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