You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
