Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
