i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
