Non-Jews are for practice
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
