I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
