my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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