Four minutes until I can fart!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
