There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
