He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
