best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have so much sex to catch up on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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